“A couple of months ago I saw on Dutch Television the famous Bridget Maasland in Isola Beau opening up by telling Beau that she lost a twin brother at birth.
I realized again my big lost as I am as well one of a twin brother. Time for a song to heal the pain.
As a child I was always delighted when I saw twins on the street. I always nagged at my mother when I saw such a matching pair passing: “Oh I’d love to be a twin.” Years later, she admitted: “You are a twin.”
Many people don’t know this, but one in ten pregnancies start out as twins. However, sometime during the pregnancy one of the two fails to survive. The mother suffers a haemorrhage or a miscarriage. In the past people didn’t know that this can cause major problems for both the mother and the surviving twin. Fortunately this has since changed. Psychologist Alfred R. Austermann and social pedagogue Bettina Austermann have performed research into this. In the book Het drama in de moederschoot (The drama in the womb) they show with well-founded facts and touching examples what impact this early loss may have and how the soul can be healed.
The loss and the missing of your twin half is huge, whether you’re aware of it or not. It can make you feel very insecure, and you may create inexplicable feelings of guilt because he or she didn’t make it. This may result in an exaggerated form of always wanting to prove yourself or to do too much at once, so that you literally and figuratively stumble over yourself. This may lead to physical discomfort, as was the case with me.
Unjustified feelings of guilt require a lot of energy
Guilt can stop you from living your life consciously. Your twin brother or sister didn’t make it and so you have to prove that you can. You’re working for two and are often seen by others as overly ambitious. But it can also present many obstacles in the search for love. Because you can’t find your mirror image in any man or woman. No one is good enough for you, because you are unconsciously looking for, as in my case, your twin brother and that can be exhausting.
The final round of my interview back in 1999 was to take place with a psychologist who asked me strange and unusual questions such as: “What would you be if you were an animal?” I could choose between a seagull, a tiger and a dog. I think I opted for the seagull, because floating in the air seemed rather appealing to me. After an hour, the conclusion was that I was fit for the job, but I returned home quite upset. Because her final question was: “What do you have against men?” I cried for days afterwards for no reason, or so I thought. Even though I was fit for the job, I no longer wanted it. Even my relationship fell apart.
I returned to her for a chat and through therapy and hypnosis, I learned that I had developed a lot of sadness, guilt and fear as a result of the massive loss of my twin brother. I often felt that I had no right to life. After several rebirthing sessions (where you, are as it were, reborn), I took a new decision and went on with my life. But the sadness wasn’t gone yet. Years later I started reading the book by the Austermann couple and I really let go of my fears. By accepting the situation. I’ve forgiven my twin brother for leaving me, but I also forgave myself for being stronger than him. I gave him a name. I also involved him in my book, Pure Smart Stylish, a conscious lifestyle, so we’ll always be together. For Johan. And now in my music, the spoken song “Twinbrother” of the album “Facing little you” as well.
Listen on : Itunes
Do you recognise yourself in the above story? Do you also have inexplicable feelings of guilt, are you highly sensitive, do you have a chronic deficiency of vitamin B12 and does your life consist of constantly facing new challenges? Do you feel inexplicably lonely and are you unable to find the one? You may also be afraid to enter into a relationship because you’re subconsciously missing someone. Ask your mother whether she had a miscarriage during the pregnancy from which you were born. My latest track on the Album Facing little you is to help you with this lost. The special hz in it will hopefully help you to be conscious about it and takes away the sadness. Give it a try.
But also don’t fear to visit a good therapist and immerse yourself in the subject. Fortunately, nowadays there is plenty to read, including online, about the consequences of such a great loss. Learning to understand it has certainly given me a lot of peace.
I finally had the courage to make myself vulnerable to a man, so hopefully you too after reading and listening.
I wish you lots of Good Luck!